Tuesday, February 17, 2009

The Worst Night of my Life...So Far

I knew I said that I would try to recall these events in order but my most recent experience is like a monkey on my back that I need to tell.

(I blacked out this night so most of this information was told to me by others)

It was a Thursday night, unlike the true partiers I usually don't go out on this night--to me it is still a school night. (Granted if I lived in a different dorm and had a different Friday schedule this could be a different story) Anyway this Thursday night was an exception. Little background, I play rugby for my college and I played in high school. There was only one guy on my rugby team that was from my high school. He was a senior while I am a freshman. He was a real awesome down-to-earth guy and an amazing agile rugger. So he is in the military and is departing to Iraq. The other players are throwing him a going away party. I decided, since he is my boy, that I need to be there. So, I asked a couple of the other freshman if they wanted to go to the party with me. They said sure and said we should pregame beforehand. I agree, great idea! So the party starts at 9 and the older guys said they may hit up the bars later, so I wanted to get there early, thinking maybe I will go to pregame at 8 or 830. Well I was waiting for the guys to call who I was supposed pregame with, lets call them the burger king and the animal. 8 rolls around I get a call from the animal he is gonna talk with the burger king and get back to me. Ok. I'm thinking 10 minutes. So after frantic waiting, about 910 rolls around and the animal calls, he says come on over. I ask if I should bring some of my own stuff. We agree that this is a great idea. So I fill a water bottle full of Bacardi. I leave at 920 to walk there.

I arrive in their dorm at 940. I walk into a room and a portable pong table is crammed into this little room...sweet. The animal and the burger king have teamed up to play against some pitiful unworthy opponent I sit on the side watching my unranked team slaughter some ranked opponent to break their losing streak and I watch the game at hand while sober. 3,4,5 games go by the animal and the burger king are in fierce competition as always but in the end they win handily. I watch idly and sober. Finally a break in the action-piss break for the animal. The burger king looks at me and goes Paul have you drinken anything yet, I say no he says will get drinking. I look up and smile, I hold up my water bottle and say how much. He looks at and says to the label. (16.9 oz water bottle you figure out how much!) The two of them know me as a little crazy, again I love to show off, so I never chase my shots. So I chug the designated amount and then surpass it to show I have fuzz on my peaches. Dumb move #1. The burger king gave me a beer to chase with. The chug was a little rough so I took like a minute break before I drank the beer. Technically it wasn't chasing. O yeah this was about 1020. (We should have left already). The animal returns! The resident of the room waltzes in the room. I have no clue where he has been. Him and I become b.p. partners and attempt to take out the dynasty. It is a tight game, back and forth. They had an early lead. But we came back to win. Now this was more beer than I was accustomed to playing with in b.p. But of course I drank it with a smile 1050. We decide, shit it's like 11 we should leave. So there is a half of a water bottle left. I offer all around. No one will relieve my agony, so I chugged that shit with a smile and a belch. Basically incorporating my plus or minus for the time. I had chugged a water bottle of Bacardi and a few beers in about 45 minutes. We leave the room.

At this moment I blacked out! So apparently we got in the elevator and left. We get off the elevator start walking toward the exit and a cop approaches me and says "buddy you're drunk". No one knew what I said, but I venture it was something to the effect of "Why yes I am" The next thing I remember from leaving the room is being in the cop car and me asking the cop why he got me. He replies that I was stumbling. I reply...well that makes sense. (1105 that's the time cop wrote the ticket) I then remember walking in the dorm adjacent to mine walking through the halls and peaking into a room and seeing my roommate. I tell him my story of my 249 dollar car ride home. He follows me for the rest of the night. BLACK OUT, I am. My roomie told me the rest the next morning. I walked down a girls wing went into a girls wing apparently talked to them for 15 seconds until they kicked me out. Opened another girl's door and shut it immediately. That dorm's R.A. was walking out of the bathroom or something and I STARED HER DOWN! She kept looking back at me and I probably gave her an evil stare. I made it over to my wing where I see one of two or three of the only cool guys on my floor (aka people that have similar interests to me and don't play video games and WOW 24/7, people who like alcohol, sports, chicks-my type of shit) So I walk into Top Gun's room and make him count my money for some reason. I paced his room back and forth continuously. He said he thought "I burned a hole in his rug", I was pacing so furiously. Eventually I leave his room. Go to the bathroom my roommate tailing me. I see two people I have seen but have never spoken with from my floor. One is a black guy, Dickie, of course being drunk I go, "What up man, give me some skin, gimme some skin!" He thinks my drunkenness is hilarious. (I'm just glad I didn't say anything racist-I blacked out=no control) I see Dickie's roommate who Top Gun previously told me looks like Kurt Cobain. So I see him and whisper to my roommate Kurt Cobain, Kurt Cobain, he looks like Kurt Cobain. Finally I yell out "Kurt Cobain!" and run like a little girl down the hall thinking he didn't notice me. Also when in the bathroom I almost punched out the mirrors. I got real lucky that night I didn't get the cops called on me again, I could've gotten destruction of public property, disturbing the peace, disorderly conduct-a whole slew of fun shit I never want to see on my record. Also my B.A.C. had probably risen to a level that could have landed me in the infamous detox.(Try explaining that one to your ma) After that fun and avoiding a little extra trouble, my roommate finally got me in my bed. Luckily someone was on my side that night because I was laying on my back and started puking. My roommate saw this and rolled me over. He said I filled half of my garbage can with puke. It was a shit ton of puke! 12, Finally I was asleep. At about 3 my roommate sees me standing on his chair looking out the window. He shines a flash light on me and asks what I am doing. "I reply, I gotta pee, global warming" It makes sense but it is hilarious if you can picture that image. Well I didn't piss on all of his shit, he talked me down.

750am I wake up in the morning to my alarm, which rang longer than I can ever remember letting it ring. My ear hurts, I am fully clothed I reach in pocket to reveal my crumpled up drinking ticket. It read .22. I was drunker later, guaranteed! DRUNKEST I HAVE EVER BEEN! and I have had some drunk nights! I shower, dress, get the story from my roommate, (I literally asked him if I had puked, imagine that from his point of view, I filled up a half of a garbage can that he held for a half an hour after saving my life) go to eat breakfast, tell the story to a few people, start walking to class when I realize it is pointless to go to class I am still drunk I will not remember shit. I go back to my room to sleep. My bed looked good! but my roommate said I puked on it. I see no puke. I lift of my pillow to reveal a regurgitated meal. I slept on the floor again. I awake later and decide to wash my sheets and all that jazz. I was going to shake the vegetables from the sheets but forgot and washed them. So I remove my sheets, a girl was anxiously waiting for me to get done, but I look in the washer and my vegetables are in there! I put my sheets to the dryer and this chick swoops in to put her stuff in. She looks in and sees green beans. I watch this poor girl unknowingly remove my stomach vegetables with her hands and put them in the sink. Oh that was hilarious. In summary I had a awful night but it could have been a lot worse. My ear was torn open and took a week and a half to heal, I still don't know how that happened, my theory is rug burn from when I passed out on the floor. I never made it to the going away party but apparently I drunk called my buddy, he could not understand a word coming out of my mouth. He understood though. The burger king recently gave me the nickname 22 in honor of my heroic blow. Although not huge it was the catalyst to a storied night!

Little Bit of My College Life

Mind you I work ridiculously hard during the week, I take the weekends as a little time to indulge myself in how you probably see college life portrayed in the movies....not as many hot girls though... spending Friday and Saturday nights drinking. Whether it is at a house party or a frat, I can usually find a way to get drunk. For one reason or another, whether it was because I used to be the fat kid, or I didn't get attention for a different reason, I know like to be the center of attention. When I first started "partying" I knew that I had potential due to logic: I was a big guy, who was always able to eat a lot, plus my family has always been around beer (my grandpa owning a tavern, my uncle working at a beer plant) I figured it was in my blood. And after a while...it was. I became quite a little champ. So basically I got drunk in various ways from chugging to pong to beer bongs. I am relatively good at drinking. From these countless nights of drinking I have come across some pretty crazy experiences. Basically I can only sum them up because they were a few months back and I was usually drunk enough where I had to hear the nights events from my friends. So unlike Tucker Max's detailed description of his college days I only have summaries which are nowhere as funny as his, but may still get a chuckle so I guess I tell a few of them and see what happens.

In addition I am a very opinionated person, so some of my posts will be random rants that I may go on due to a rough day's events. Just be ready